By Carol Zernial
WellMed Charitable Foundation Executive Director
Have you ever done something that seemed completely frivolous just for the fun of it? Have you done something frivolous since you became a caregiver? For most of us, caregiving is serious business. We’re dealing with serious illness or disabilities, medical appointments, long hours, and a load of emotions – doing something just for the fun of it doesn’t always come to the top of our list. That’s where Lincoln comes in.
Last week, I was speaking with a friend and colleague who had missed a conference call we had set up. He informed me that he had just enrolled his mother in hospice and some things were falling through the cracks. It turns out that his mother has been caring for his father who has Alzheimer’s for a number of years. In her eighties, she has literally worn herself out caregiving.
But the hospice story takes a magical turn.
It turns out that his mother had an IRA that no one knew about. Because of her age, she is required by law to take out a certain amount of money every year or pay a penalty. When asked what she wanted to do with the money taken out of the account this year, she said,” You’re father’s name is Lincoln. I think we should buy him a Lincoln car.”
My friend reminded his mother that Lincoln has Alzheimer’s disease and can’t drive. “Well,” she said, “then he should be driven in a Lincoln. Couldn’t his caregivers drive him around in his car?”
The more my friend thought about this frivolous idea, the more he liked it. The morning his mother had a long doctor’s appointment and was out for about 4 hours, he went down and rented a Lincoln and returned to pick her up in the new car. She was delighted!
He purchased insurance that allowed for his paid caregivers to drive Lincoln in the lap of luxury of his new car. Soon, Lincoln and his wife were going everywhere in style.
My friend’s mother is very frail. A few days ago, her hospice workers reported that they couldn’t get her out of bed. She wouldn’t take a shower. My friend called his mother and asked if she
wanted to go for a ride in the Lincoln. She immediate got up, showered, and was ready to go. The idea of splurging – of spending time, money or energy on something that really is just for
fun can make no sense at times. Renting a Lincoln for Lincoln makes no sense – and yet it makes all the sense in the world. He either always wanted one or his wife wanted him to have one.
I’d like to think that a guilty pleasure would actually relieve some of the guilt of being an imperfect caregiver. We might not be able to get a luxury car, but we could splurge on a triple decker scoop of our favorite ice cream. We might buy lunch from that favorite deli down the street that we used to go to all of the time. We might take a taxi or Lyft around the lake, around our old neighborhood, or just around town on a pretty day with the windows down.
I like the think of Lincoln and his wife sitting in their Lincoln smiling at whatever is going by. They may be on their way to a dreary medical appointment, but life is good on leather seats.
If you’d like to drive along with Lincoln too, see if his new website is up and running at LincolndrivingLincoln.tv. I know I’ll be looking out for him and smiling just for the fun of it.
WellMed Charitable Foundation Executive Director Carol Zernial is a noted gerontologist, radio show host, and emeritus Chair of the National Council on Aging. The non-profit WellMed Charitable Foundation focuses on complimentary programs impacting seniors and family caregivers, including weekly telephone learning sessions, evidence-based classes on stress reduction and more. Find out more at www.CaregiverSOS.org or toll-free at 1-866-390-6491.