By Jamie Huysman, PsyD, LCSW
The holidays are upon us once again. Every year we make plans, have expectations of ourselves and others, and many times struggle with “what to get” for everyone. We juggle and try to make sense of lack of time, money, and overwhelming feelings of obligation. Caregivers give of themselves every day in service of giving someone a better quality of life. At all times it is a gift of presence for a reason, a season, a lifetime, even during a busy holiday season.
Caregiving is celebrated as a national month of recognition in November to raise awareness. However the greatest awareness needs to come from caregivers by way of committing to acts of kindness toward themselves.
Caregiving will never be a one-size-fits-all experience. It never takes a holiday. Intensely personal, at its best it is a tapestry of trust, understanding, and connection. Hence, each caregiver-care receiver relationship is a unique dance of interweaving your life for the benefit of another. That’s the “doing” of it. Beyond that, great value can be found in it’s being and becoming; caregiving can be the greatest of teachers.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance have been identified as the “5 Stages of Grief.” Recently, a 6th stage has been added: anxiety. It doesn’t seem farfetched to me that these same stages can be experienced in caregiving, especially around the holidays. Occurring in no particular order, all of these are simply a part of our human “beingness” and come as they may, like it or not. Learn to let your feelings ebb and flow and be OK with whatever you are “being” at the time. Let your feelings be what they are; it is an act of self-love which you deserve.
The “becoming” of caregiving begs the following questions and I urge you to consider:
» What have you learned about yourself by being a caregiver?
» How has caregiving changed you?
Your answers to these may surprise you. Never take for granted what caregiving has given to you. There is a yin to every yang! “The greatest gift that you can give to others and to yourself is time. Embrace the gift of time whether you give it or receive it,” says psychologist Philip Zimbardo. In the words of Nike, “Just do it.”
As we embark on this holiday season, I would ask that you not forget or take yourself for granted. Spend some time with yourself and for yourself throughout the holidays. It’s been a crazy year in the world. Take whatever precious moments you can to love and celebrate you. After all, you are the gift. Tis the season; enjoy!
Peace and Love,
Dr. Jamie is a popular keynote speaker, media expert, and author. He co-authored the acclaimed “Take Your Oxygen First: Protecting Your Health & Happiness While Caring for a Loved One with Memory Loss.” Dr. Huysman writes for Caregiver SOS, Connections, JoanLunden.com, Huddol.com, and blogs on PsychologyToday.com.